The Hard Choice
by cmr2014
Summary: When you go away, you have to decide...do you come back?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

**The Hard Choice**

Vash knew what to do now. All his years of wandering, searching for Knives, yet never knowing what he would do when he found his brother…

Until Meryl had given him the answer. Who knew his insurance girl would be the one?

He smiled in the dark. _His_ insurance girl. _His_ Meryl. It was such a nice dream.

He thought back to the night they'd sat under the stars. Her offer that he could stay as long as he wanted. He'd seen in her eyes that she wanted him to say yes. Was it so wrong that he wanted to?

Of course it was. Meryl only _thought_ she was in love with him. He'd told her about himself. The entire story, things few other people knew – some things that nobody else knew; but hearing it wasn't the same as seeing it.

He could never be what she needed, someone to live a real life with. She would grow old and eventually die, while he stayed the same for what must seem like forever to a human, his seeming immortality mocking her. It would be cruel to try to pursue a life with her.

Not to mention…he thought of the look on her face if she ever saw the Angel Arm – what he _really_ looked like.

His heart shattered at the image.

"_I wouldn't run away…"_

Maybe not from the Vash she knew. But from the Vash who had destroyed July? Put a hole in the moon? The monster who left destruction in his wake? Even Rem would run away from that, he was certain. What right did he have to expect Meryl's word would be true?

He had to make the hard choice. As much as his heart told him to be with Meryl Stryfe, he had to do what was best for her and never come back. He only hoped she would someday understand.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

Lyrics from "Can You Live Without", by Guy Forsyth

Vash rose with the sun. Shaved. Styled his hair up. Put on the red duster. Picked up his gun, feeling its weight. Holstered it. He was ready.

Breakfast would have been nice; as his strength returned, he had discovered the joy that was a breakfast cooked by Meryl. Come to think of it, he enjoyed all the food she cooked. But, today of all days, he wanted to slip out early, without waking her.

He stopped halfway to the door. The house was still and quiet, except for the radio in the living room playing a sad song. Milly said having the radio on helped her go to sleep; with the spirit of Wolfwood still a companion, neither Vash nor Meryl felt like saying no.

He looked toward Meryl's room, remembering all the time they'd been together. How he kept pushing her away; how she kept coming back. A boomerang had nothing on Meryl. Stubborn, feisty, hot-tempered Meryl, always determined to have it her way.

_My God, how I want to be with her._

He shook his head and sighed. Time to go. Opened the door and walked out.

"You're going, aren't you?"

Damn. She was up already, leaning against the wall of the house. Couldn't she make this easy for him?

He tried to be cheerful for her sake. "Yeah. I'm feeling a lot better now." That look on her face… "Don't worry, I'll be ok."

That seemed to perk her up some. Or she was trying to be cheerful for his own sake. "See you later. Good luck."

How could he say goodbye like it was nothing? Instead, he just said, "Thanks. And thanks for everything."

Meryl started to say something…

"Mr. Vash! Over here!" Milly came running up with something in her arms. Of course, it was Milly. Who was going to come see him off next, the guy Meryl had stopped from killing him? This was supposed to be a _secret_ getaway. And what the hell was that thing she had?

"Wait a minute; isn't that…"

Good grief, it was! Wolfwood's Punisher, all bundled up like he used to carry it. What the hell did she have that thing with her for?

Ask a silly question… "I want you to take this with you. I know it would make Mr. Wolfwood happy. In fact, it would honor him."

"Are you sure about this?" It was pretty much all she had to remember Wolfwood by. He'd have thought she wanted every reminder of him she could get.

"I am."

He took the Punisher – and nearly dropped it. "Wow, this is pretty heavy."

"Yeah, it is; of course it is! That's because it's full of mercy."

Poor Milly; Wolfwood had really gotten to her. It would have been nice to see the two of them as a couple. Maybe she could have gotten to him, too.

_Bet Nicholas D. Wolfwood would have made a good dad._

He saw the look in Meryl's eyes. She hadn't said what she'd started to say, and it was tearing her up inside. He really didn't want this to be his last memory of her…damnit, why couldn't she smile or tell him to go to hell or something?

_Why the _fuck_ can't you just make this easy, Meryl?_

He set the Punisher down. It rooted itself in the ground under its own weight. "Hey, Milly, would you mind giving Meryl and me a minute?"

Milly looked back and forth between them and smiled. "Sure. No problem." She ran inside the house and closed the door behind her.

Vash looked at Meryl. All right, fine. She could say what she wanted. It wouldn't change the fact that he had to leave, and for her own damn good. She could just say whatever she wanted and get it off her chest, and he just wouldn't listen.

He focused on the sound of the radio coming from the window behind her, instead.

"Can you live without your dope,

Whatever it might be

Kind bud or Budweiser

It works the same for me…"

He watched Meryl struggle to find the words she was searching for. His resolve stayed firm. He'd give her ten seconds, and then he'd just turn and leave. Better to leave a clean break; she'd heal faster that way.

"Can you live without her?

Best make up your mind

Can you live without her?

Boy, you're running out of time

Can you live without her?

'Cause that's the way it's playin' out

Can you live without her?"

The question echoed in his head. _Can I live without her?_

He already knew the answer. Between resolve and Meryl, resolve lost.

"Vash, I –" She didn't get to finish because he moved close and pressed his mouth to hers, claiming her as _his_ Meryl.

She was shocked for a moment, then relaxed into the kiss. It was a long kiss, but she didn't mind. It could never be long enough to make up for how long she'd waited for this.

Afterward, he held her close, nuzzled her neck. Whispered, "I love you, Meryl Stryfe. And I promise, I _will_ come back to you."

Vash left on his mission, wearing his determination. It wasn't impossible. If he could save Knives, then he could damn sure make Meryl happy the rest of her days.

Vash would keep Meryl. He would find a way.

As he walked away, Meryl realized she hadn't gotten to say what she wanted. A smile appeared as she also realized that was ok; she would tell him when he came back to her.


End file.
